 I have lost several people in my life. Friend’s from school, and a older cousin who I looked up to. Nothing could have prepared me though, to say goodbye to my grandparents who had been a constant throughout my life. We didn’t live in the same state or see each other as much as we all wanted but we had an individual unbreakable bond. My grief is something that I’m still trying to unpack. Most day’s its stored away suitcase packed to the brim in the deepest basement of my memory palace. It’s not that I want to forget their lives but allowing all those memories to flood my body feels like being suffocated with the harsh reality they are gone. How do you move through life when you feel that some of the most important pieces of your heart are missing? YOU DON'T. you never forget and you never stop hurting. You do however embark on a journey that will become your “new normal”. You get up everyday. You put one foot in front of the other as you walk to the bathroom every morning. You began to learn how to live with what you lost. It’s like breaking a vase and having to piece everything back together with super glue. It will never look or be the same and neither will you. My grief does not define my life, it is a part of my story. I feel grief is the same for everyone this way. Your losses don’t define your life, they are lessons to be learned... use them as such. Through the pain I have lived this reminder. Gratitude for life brings me back to a state of peace when I lose my center. With every loss you become wiser. I surrender myself to moments when emotion erupts inside me. I allow myself to cry, scream and hyperventilate until the lava cools down. Then I move on with my day. This is my new normal, living with grief. LaNai Thomas is a 27 year old entrepreneur, knowledge seeker and book lover.
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3/24/2020 0 Comments You Are Not AloneI’ve received so many heart breaking messaging from those of you who are grieving and overwhelmed by the current global crisis. Join me at 8 pm EST as we go live to create an open space for those who are grieving to express their feelings and just vent. No agenda... just a safe space for us all to share and to talk. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! My courses can be found at www.thegravewoman.com/courses More Information about Anita "The National Board Review Coach" can be found at www.GranEnterprisesLLC.com 2/5/2020 0 Comments Walking with Death: Why I Chose the Death Care Industry by Guest Blogger Taja Nicholle Death and grieving was something I was introduced to at a very young age. I saw my first dead body when I was almost 5 years old. On February 17, 2000, My father passed away from a short battle with cancer. Of course I felt the effects of his death when he died and at the funeral, which I remember very vividly. Almost 20 years later his absence still has a major ripple effect in my life. I don’t think I’ll ever stop grieving. I’ve learned to accept that and be okay with that.
With all of that being said, I’ve always felt a connection with death. It’s something I’ve never been afraid of or afraid to talk about. I’ve always had so many questions and curiosities about death, the afterlife, and our legacies. The paranormal also intrigues me because my own overwhelming spiritual experiences. Growing up, I was kind of the “weird” kids, because of my interests with things of a darker and grotesque nature, which I now embrace. When I started college back in 2013, I was going to school to be a teacher. After securing a teacher’s assistant job and working a little over a year, I realized that it wasn’t for me. At that point, I decided to drop out of college completely and began tapping more into my musical creativity. I started taking my music more seriously, and ended up getting signed with an indie label (Biblioteka Records) in Toronto, CA. Still something was missing. Music was my life and my baby but I wanted to dig deeper into what I felt my purpose on this earth is. This lead me to the death care industry. During lunch with a good friend of mine, I shared that I wanted to go back to school to become a mortician because I felt like it aligned with many of my experiences. She recommended that I also look into becoming a death doula. I had never heard of such a thing or job but once she explained it to me it just instantly CLICKED. My soul knew instantly that this is what I’m supposed to do. I still plan on attending school to become a mortician, however I want to be a spiritual and holistic companion/support to individuals that are dying and their families whom are dealing with grief. My mission is to help those that are transitioning from this life to the next one to have the most comfortable and peaceful experience possible. To be completely honest, I wish I had someone like this to help me and be there for me during my darkest times. I’ve looked into some online death doula certification programs, and have decided to go with Quality of Life- School of Accompanying the Dying. I can’t wait to get my certification. I also look forward to enrolling in school to obtain my mortuary science degrees. With my certification, I plan on opening a private practice for death doulas. I’m so excited about starting this chapter of my life and walking further into my purpose. . Taja Nicholle is a singer/songwriter/producer and spiritualist from Buffalo, NY now residing in Atlanta, GA. Taja is currently taking online introductory death doula training with the EOL School of Accompanying the Dying, and plans on going back to school for Mortuary Science at Gupton-Jones School Mortuary College in Decatur, GA.  What happens when your Transgender loved one dies, or someone trans around you? What if they come across your care while working your profession? When it comes to being transgender, or anything variant of "Male" or "Female" even just being intersex, its taboo. You don't really think about it unless it's you, or someone you love, let alone think about end of life. Nobody really thinks of death normally right? Not unless your in a death aware state? I'm just one of a niche population and I am absolutely death aware. As a result have my fears regarding my own death and memorialization as a transgender male. I have a lot of privileges in my own societal stance, especially to the ones who consider themselves privileged. I am a white male-identifying human, I have a stable job and School career right now. I am considered "passing" in society which gives me an extra safety net from hate crimes and attacks. This same safety net I am using to speak up about our end of life rights to be remembered as who we are. This doesn't mean I don't face adversity in my day to day life for who I am, far from it. It comes with the package, and the check boxes that indicate only M or F. Studying funeral service is starting to tell me where the support is needed. Support with pre-planning, being open about fears of our own mortality and who we trust to be in charge of our body once we finally can't be anymore. This can be a long talk and conversation but ultimately goes down to the ethics and grief involved. The strength of our open-mindedness and care for others should extend to all equitably in death, all decedent's deserve remembrance and memorialization. We as funeral directors need to support the family and figure out if they are mentally grieving their loved one or two different versions they've separated.We have to figure out how to completely honor someone's life path and put an importance on who they've died as, not who they were born. Not only for the honor of their life but the grief of all who love and are involved in the deceased's life. Not everyone who is blood is considered family, especially when it comes to being trans. I myself consider my strongest family, ones not bound by blood. I will be arranging my trust in that non blood bound family to honor my life. The feelings of all the loved ones involved should not be ignored, but priority should be given to the life someone has chosen for themselves, especially when they are trans. There's no physical limit on what trans looks like. Not everyone chooses to physically change from "male to female or female to male." When you choose to transition medically, it can be a lifelong commitment of weekly hormone injections, reconstructive surgeries,legal identification changes and wait lists over wait lists. You physically become your own psychologist, endocrinologist, legal representation and voice. It's not an easy process to start. When I started, I had to be diagnosed with a "gender disorder" to begin to medically transition. It's been four years and I'm still working on name changes let alone when I'm getting chest surgery. Not everyone on your table is going to look physically like the gender they are either. Intersex is real too, I mean there should really be more that just a male or female option on arrangement forms (separate from legal ID gender). Active communication and listening is important. We also need to be aware of the awareness of mortality Trans youth and adults have. Most have wanted to die, almost died, or have friends who have. Our life expectancy is so low that we can consider someone in their 40's a Trans Elder. From this perspective I can see accessible pre planning and pre need arrangements being beneficial tools. I will be taking advantage of the ones that I can to ensure I have a proper advocate, just in case. We need to start having these conversations openly, and encourage ally-ship in the profession. Figure out exactly which wrinkles need that iron. About the Author I (Toni) am a 20 year old, openly transgender male I am also a student currently going through The Canadian College of Funeral Services. I work part time at an independent retirement living complex as a housekeeper and friend. I spend my free time either vegging out with my pals, singing karaoke with my seniors, volunteering with dying with dignity Canada, focusing on growing the Trans Death Care initiative and going to therapy. I believe it's never too early in life to start talking about your own death and about the deaths of others. And all genders need to be involved in the conversations. Thank you so much to each and everyone of you who submit your questions and thoughts. I am trying my best to answer as many as possible in video form. If you have a question that you'd like to submit please use the comment section or email me directly at thegravewoman@gmail.com Special thank you to my wonderful sister De Anne Anthony for helping me film this video. Thank you so much to each and everyone of you who submit your questions and thoughts. I am trying my best to answer as many as possible in video form. If you have a question that you'd like to submit please use the comment section or email me directly at thegravewoman@gmail.com Special thank you to my wonderful sister De Anne Anthony for helping me film this video. 11/21/2019 0 Comments Q&A : Personal Possessions, Handling of Removed Organs & Consciousness After DeathThank you so much to each and everyone of you who submit your questions and thoughts. I am trying my best to answer as many as possible in video form. If you have a question that you'd like to submit please use the comment section or email me directly at thegravewoman@gmail.com Special thank you to my wonderful sister De Anne Anthony for helping me film this video. |