2/8/2023 Creating Space for Black Vendors in Death Care Through Personalized Memorial KeepsakesRead NowWhen someone passes away having personalized memorial keepsakes such as keychains, cups, t-shirts, jewelry, programs, fans, headstones, grave markers, and other items that reflect the personality, image, and encompass the essence of those that we have lost brings a level of comfort and peace that can not be explained. Having tangible things to hold, see and lean into can never replace our dearly departed loved ones but they do offer endless benefits that soothe and help us process our grief.
Traditionally in the death care industry companies and corporations that manufacture, distribute, and sell memorial keepsakes as well as other items and merchandise available for purchase to consumers by funeral homes and in online storefronts are historically white owned and operated. This leads me to ponder how much more meaningful, and impactful memorials keepsakes and other merchandise could be if they were not only created with intention and distributed through vendors who share cultures with and understand the communities that they serve. This shift could be tremendous for not only consumers but death care professionals, funeral homes, and cemeteries alike. This could also replace the historically appropriative and sales driven development of items that target BIPOC consumers specifically. In this episode of The Death & Grief Talk Podcast; I have the honor of speaking with Latifa Franks; a young black female death care merchandise and memorial keepsake vendor. Latifa is fonder of C. Jackson Memorial Company which is fondly after her mother. C. Jackson Memorial Company was birthed out of Latifa’s desire to not only serve her community of Baltimore, Maryland but black communities worldwide with affordable, professional, high quality memorial keepsakes while honoring the legacy of her mother Cassandra Jackson who passed away when Latifa was only 10 years old. On her website, Latifa sells several keepsakes including personalized memorial apparel, jewelry, portrait LED lights, urns and much more which can be personalized to reflect the image or likeness of loved ones and pets alike. Not only is Latifa using her company to serve, but she also uses her social media platforms to educate and give behind the scenes access into her daily life as a mortuary student and crematory operator. Connect with C. Jackson Memorial Company online Website: https://www.cjmemorialcompany.com/ Social Media: @c. jacksonmemorailcompany About the Death & Grief Talk Podcast Death and grief are sacred aspects of our human journey that we all witness, honor, and process uniquely. The Death and Grief Talk Podcast is here to host open and honest conversation about the questions, fears, anxieties, and emotions that we all experience when someone dies. I am your host The Grave Woman. I'm a licensed funeral director, embalmer, insurance agent and scared death/grief care practitioner. I have over a decade of experience working in the death care industry. I am dedicated to helping everyone navigate individual journeys to find peace and purpose with life, death, and grief. Ways you can listen on the go: Anchor FM https://anchor.fm/deathandgrieftalk Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/3mdh03y... Watch on YouTube www.youtube.com/thegravewoman Follow @thegravewoman on social media
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2/1/2023 How Black & Indigenous Communities Use Euphemisms, Parables and Proverbs as Tools for PreplanningRead NowHave you ever heard the sayings “eat the fish and spit out the bones” or “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water? Am I the only one who feels like they sound like some sort of secret language? These coded messages are known as euphemisms. Euphemisms are defined by Webster as a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing. For many, conversations about end of life, health care and planning for death and dying are considered private, personal, and not to be discussed in of doctors, nurses, home health aides, funeral directors and others considered to be “mixed company” or strangers. For far too long, this has led to the misconceptions that black, indigenous and other communities of color simply are not capable of or simply do not care to preplan for end of life, health and death care needs including but not limited to funeral and burial planning. This could NOT be further from the truth.
Let me explain, euphemisms derive from proverbs or parables which I like to think of as the short and sweet way of communicating vitally important messages while preserving the messages integrity and protecting privacy. Euphemisms, proverbs, and parables are often used by Black and Indigenous elders in collaboration with story telling and sharing to preserve language and culture and are as old as the Egyptian hieroglyphs. They are methods of communications preserved for sharing wisdom, information, secrets, insight, desires and serve as a form of establishing trust between the giver and receiver of their message. In this episode of The Death and Grief Talk Podcast, I speak with Zeena Regis and Elisha Hall Ph.D. in hopes of giving insight into the methods, language and sacred euphemistic language used amongst members of Black and Indigenous communities as it relates to expressing, planning for and executing desires for the inevitable. Elisa Hall Ph.D. is a Systems Thinker that fuses strategic planning, healing, and community organizing into all of his pursuits. His praxis explores how African and Indigenous values can be used as best-practice and the creation of better policies. He uses his passion of creative expression to tell the untold and share the unshared. Leveraging information and innovation across communities and continents is his life's work. He develops compassion within organizations and provide the path to deepen their diversity, equity, and inclusion. Zeena Regis currently serves as the Faith Engagement Manager at Compassion & Choices, the nation’s oldest, largest and most active nonprofit working to improve care, expand options and empower everyone to chart their end-of-life journey. Zeena was selected as a 2021-2022 fellow in Collegeville Institute’s Emerging Writers Mentorship Program. Her training includes a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science from Agnes Scott College and a Master of Divinity from Columbia Theological Seminary. Zeena is also a playwright and her latest work, A Free Black Woman's Guide to Death & Dying, was selected for the Synchronicity Theatre's arts incubator project and premiered in May 2022. Connect with Dr. Hall Online Website www.elishahall.com Music https://unitedmasters.com/m/63b83d2fac4cd62c620c5d39 Connect with Zeena Online Website www.ZenaRegis.com About the Death & Grief Talk Podcast Death and grief are sacred aspects of our human journey that we all witness, honor, and process uniquely. The Death and Grief Talk Podcast is here to host open and honest conversation about the questions, fears, anxieties, and emotions that we all experience when someone dies. I am your host The Grave Woman. I'm a licensed funeral director, embalmer, insurance agent and scared death/grief care practitioner. I have over a decade of experience working in the death care industry. I am dedicated to helping everyone navigate individual journeys to find peace and purpose with life, death, and grief. Ways you can listen on the go: Anchor FM https://anchor.fm/deathandgrieftalk Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/3mdh03y... Watch on YouTube www.youtube.com/thegravewoman Follow @thegravewoman on social media Have you ever met someone or someone’s who you just immediately click with, where the conversation flows and your almost finishing one another’s sentences? This is exactly how I felt like speaking with the ladies of Grief After Dark connecting and sharing experiences about life being a self-fulfilling prophesy, learning to heal our inner child through our experiences with grief, sensuality, pleasure, taking full autonomy over our life and grief experiences through filtering who and what has access to us, the ability to channel messages, exploring the full spectrum of creativity and so much more.
In this installment of The Death and Grief Talk Podcast, my guest are D. Anaya and Mikki. D. and Micki describe themselves as two normal(ish) friends who have survived some dark waters both together and separately. In their Grief After Dark podcast, they look at the whole human emotional drama in the face, beginning with a deep dive into life, death, and the complexities of grieving. It is their hope that they can help other that are treading the dark waters of grief and loneliness and serve as a resource to the support systems of on the voyage to better understand and connect. D. Anaya is a creative artist, artist, writer, visionary and advocate for helping others navigate their journeys with grief in ways that are not only true to themselves but to also tap into our innate creativity to and spiritual connection and use it as light during our darkest hours. Mikki has a passion for gemstones and through her company Moonstar Charms creates beautiful pieces with emotional, physical, and spiritual healing properties. She also is a detail girl and take as much time as she needs to create each piece of her art with loving care and an appropriate amount of perfectionism. She is particular about my "ingredients" because she cares very much about what she does and believe that each piece will, in time, go to the person it's exactly right for. Mikki brings this attention to detail and passion for seeing the beauty even in the roughest of situations to Grief After Dark as she and D explore the nuances of grief. Connect with Grief After Dark Online Instagram https://www.instagram.com/griefafterdark/ Website www.griefafterdark.com Facebook https://www.facebook.com/griefafterdark/ Adventures of Grief Girl https://www.instagram.com/adventuresofgriefgirl/ Modern Charms Jewelry https://www.etsy.com/shop/MoonstarCharms About the Death & Grief Talk Podcast Death and grief are sacred aspects of our human journey that we all witness, honor, and process uniquely. The Death and Grief Talk Podcast is here to host open and honest conversation about the questions, fears, anxieties, and emotions that we all experience when someone dies. I am your host The Grave Woman. I'm a licensed funeral director, embalmer, insurance agent and scared death/grief care practitioner. I have over a decade of experience working in the death care industry. I am dedicated to helping everyone navigate individual journeys to find peace and purpose with life, death, and grief. Ways you can listen on the go: Anchor FM https://anchor.fm/deathandgrieftalk Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/3mdh03y... Watch on YouTube www.youtube.com/thegravewoman Follow @thegravewoman on social media “There is nothing more powerful than to clearly articulate our intention to the universe and trust boldly in its desire to not only deliver but to also unfold itself before us as our path to enlightenment. What is your intention?”
- The Grave Woman “My intention is to alleviate unnecessary suffering in the world. Suffering is a spectrum; it doesn’t mean that we are in crisis and that that there is something wrong with us or that we are in a clinical space. The ways in which we are experiencing the world right now and the sickness of the unhelpful darkness is something that because of its consistency and exacerbation of our societal collapse causes me to ask the question what remains? What do we have that is ours? For me, I choose to hold on to my joy.” -Dr. Crystallee Crain Ph.D. In this installment of The Death and Grief Talk Podcast I had the honor of connecting on a soul level with Dr. Crystallee Crain. Crystallee Crain Ph.D. (she/her/hers) is an interdisciplinary public health scholar and human rights activist. She has academic roots in sociology, political science, and psychology. She specializes in exposing the layers of institutional inequality while supporting communities to shift ways of being and practice to improve life chances by bridging the worlds of academia, healing, and activism. During our time together we discussed the difference sleep has on our perspectives and experience in the world, the importance of not allowing our realm which is full of adversity, struggling and suffering to steal our innate ability to experience and posses joy, the importance of personal agency as a method of self-preservation as well as mental health, and her personal journey with navigating grief caused by loosing a close friend during to an accidental drug overdose and how she intentionally holds space for joy in her grief and profession. Crystallee’s body of work represents a collective need to strengthen our responses to violence through transformative means, the need for liberatory practices, and a focus on healing as a revolutionary strategy for change. Crystallee holds an academic appointment with California State University – East Bay (Department of Political Science). She’s also the elected board chair of the Seeding Justice Foundation (PDX).Crystallee is the Founder & Principal Consultant of Prevention at the Intersections an organization that works to prevent violence and other forms of harm through community-based research and people-centered projects. At Prevention at the Intersections, she publishes two open-access journals CATALYST and The Beauty of Black Creation. The 2nd Edition of her textbook - A People’s Primer: Dispatches on Politics & Social Change (2022) came out this year. Dr. Crain facilitates trainings with an emphasis on trauma, prevention science, and community capacity-building. She has worked with organizations across the country to support them in actualizing their values in the development and implementation of their mission and vision. You can learn more about her at www.preventionagenda.org, www.bestlifecoach.co and at www.crystalleecrain.org. Connect with Dr. Crain on Social Media LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/crystalleecrain/ Twitter: @crystalleecrain IG: drcryscrain Ways to listen on the go: Anchor FM https://anchor.fm/deathandgrieftalk Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/3mdh03y... How bold must we be to offer back to life in the form of accepting death what no longer serves or affirms our journey? What if our perception of the end, of death, of life are severely warped by the limitations of our Western society to embrace and return to the natural order of LIFE? These and so many other questionings float through the collective mind at times ready to be explored at times shunned away due to universal fears that we share. Why are we here? What is our purpose? How long do I have left and what am I supposed to do?
In this installment of the Death and Grief Talk Podcast; I have the honor of speaking with Aurianna Joy. I discovered Aurianna through her YouTube channel and instantly felt a connection and curiosity about her journey with Ayahuasca. Her transparency and vulnerability in sharing her health and spiritual journey inspired me during one of the more challenging and unfulfilling chapters of my life while motivating me to connect with and believe the inner voice that kept telling me there was more. 8 years later we connected on social media and when she agreed to be interviewed for my podcast, I knew the universe manifested our connection. It is my hope that through hearing her story you too will be inspired to release what is no longer serving or affirming your life while opening your hands, arms, and heart to expand and reach for more. Aurianna Joy is a Somatic Intimacy Coach and trauma trained Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner based in Bend, Oregon who supports women all over the globe in reclaiming their essential nature and embodying their natural rhythms through private mentorship, group coaching programs, workshops, ceremonies, and retreats. Aurianna has spent 13+ years deeply involved in the personal development industry and has 8 years of professional experience in the coaching industry. She draws upon multiple influences to create unique, highly customized experiences for her clients. Her work is greatly inspired by: • Amazonian & Andean Shamanism • Yoga, Taoist, & Buddhist Philosophy • Reiki & Energy Healing • Dance & Movement Therapy • Tantra & Sacred Sexuality • Ancestral Womb Healing • Karmic Astrology • Human Growth & Developmental Psychology • Jungian Archetypal Psychology & Shadow Work • Trauma-Informed Neuroscience Aurianna is deeply committed to the spiritual liberation of all beings on the planet and is fiercely devoted to the collective reclamation of the archetypal Wild Woman. Connect with Aurianna on social media Website: www.auriannajoy.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/aurianna.explores Instagram: @auriannajoy Ways to listen on the go: Anchor FM https://anchor.fm/deathandgrieftalk Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/3mdh03y... I love having conversations with death care professionals and people in general who are not afraid to show up naked and be 1,000% authentically who they are. In this installment of The Death and Grief Talk Podcast with The Grave Woman; I have the honor of exploring this and so much more with Eileen Hollis of Hollis Funeral Home. Eileen known worldwide as @HollisFuneralHome is a licensed funeral director and embalmer who operates her family-owned funeral home with her father in Syracuse, NY. Eileen grew up in the funeral home the will someday own and has gained a tremendous social media following through sharing her day-to-day experiences, funny stories, struggles and professional experience.
During our time together Eileen and I share laughs, tears and discuss so much and realized that we have more than we could imagine in common. Vulnerability, fear, anticipatory grief, and paralyzing anxiety are not words that you expect to hear your local funeral director use to describe their day-to-day experience but believe it or not; many funeral and death care professionals struggle with these emotions and so much more. The problem is that we don’t feel safe talking about them because “this is what we’re supposed to be able to handle”. Society has convinced us that sacrificing our humanity is required to be enabled to serve but this could not be further from the truth. We share paranormal experiences, talk about the pressure of living up to the tremendous and beautiful familial legacies that are actively being created for us, creating work life balance, address the pressures of maintain a social media presence and balancing online “fame” with integrity while not allowing the ego to become inflated, and connect deeply through the desire to embody and commit to the disciplines of consistency and compassion. We also spend time exploring the importance of death care professionals understanding their natural limitation and the importance of seeking our additional resources to better serve our communities. Much of this involves the importance being culturally competent. Eileen discusses what she has gained from taking my course Cultural Competency: Black Hair, Skin and Cosmetic Care for Death Care Professionals. It simultaneously fills and fuels me when I can share in candid moments like those I shared with Eileen. Moments drenched full of true expression and sharing with from the heart about shared challenges and successes. Speaking openly about fears creates freedom. Learning to lean into vulnerability dissolves the callus of isolation. Embracing grief allows for love to ebb and flow authentically. Addressing and honoring the existence of an anxiety allows intention to lead. Our intention in sharing our stories and experiences is to hopefully encourage and empower you to live authentically and make room for vulnerability, mental health support, intention, and community to hold space in yours. Thank you. Ways to listen on the go: Anchor FM https://anchor.fm/deathandgrieftalk Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/3mdh03y... To Learn more about Eileen Hollis please use these links: Website www.hollisfuneralhome.com Instagram @HollisFuneralHome TikTok @HollisFuneralHome Tell her @thegravewoman sent you! Our relationships with death, dying and the end-of-life are very personal and unique to use all. We will all meet death differently and because of this it is vital that our collective perspectives allow for countless vantage points. For many who have received or been living with terminal diagnosis, the thought of taking autonomy over “our meeting death” is vitally important yet impossible because of limited legislation, misconceptions, and taboo around Medical Aid in Dying.
In this installment of The Death and Grief Talk Podcast with The Grave Woman, I had the honor of speaking with President and CEO of Compassion and Choices Kim Callinan. Compassion and Choices improves care, expands options and empowers everyone to chart their end-of-life journey. Compassion and Choices also provides resources that educate and empower those diagnosed with dementia, seeking or receiving palliative care support, and initiating end-of-life conversations with health care providers and much more. According to the Compassion and Choices website Medical Aid in Dying is a trusted and time-tested medical practice that allows a terminally ill, mentally capable adult with a prognosis of six months or less to live to request from their doctor a prescription for medication they can decide to self-ingest to die peacefully in their sleep. Medical aid in dying is sometimes incorrectly referred to as “assisted physician suicide,” “physician aid in dying,” “death with dignity,” and “euthanasia.” Medical aid in dying is not assisted suicide, suicide, or euthanasia. These terms are misleading and factually incorrect. To be eligible for aid-in-dying medication, an individual must meet all four criteria:
In addition to the strict eligibility criteria these laws establish the following core safeguards:
These core safeguards ensure that individual patient preferences, needs and values are honored, and guide all clinical decisions, including the decision to use medical aid in dying. Society benefits when medical aid in dying laws are implemented -- benefits that help everybody -- regardless of whether one decides to access the law:
The work that Compassion and Choices is able to do for others depends on the support from our supporters and donors. To learn more, click here. To give your support click here. Ways to listen on the go: Anchor FM https://anchor.fm/deathandgrieftalk Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/3mdh03y... I had the honor of sitting down with my friend and colleague Shannon M. Pawley, J.D., LL.M CEO of The Estate & Asset Protection Law Firm @ElderLawGeorgia During our time together we discussed the importance of Estate Planning, ensuring end of life and asset protection documents are in order, strategizing for long term care, end of life care benefits for veterans and much more. While our entire conversation can be heard in the video here the 3 Reasons You Need an Estate Plan are to:
1. Avoid Dying in Intestate Regardless of what you think you do or do not have; you have an estate. Without having a solid estate plan in place, you are leaving your family subject to the probate system which is something that you want to avoid. 2. Clearly Defining Health Care and Financial Power of Attorney, and Health Care Directive Who is going to speak for you when you cannot speak for yourself concerning medical and financial decisions? Do you want this responsibility left in the hands of overwhelmed medical and legal professionals who know and care nothing about your desires and choices? Of course not! Identifying an agent to represent you and make decisions that YOU would be pleased with will make all the difference in the world. Using your autonomy to make decisions about your end-of-life care ahead of time ensures that you will or will not receive medical procedures and treatment that YOU CHOOSE! 3. Controlling What Access Those You Leave Behind Put simply, who gets what and who doesn’t. What can be done with what you leave behind and what can’t. Who is responsible and who isn’t? These are all determining factors that must be taken into consideration when assigning beneficiaries for your hard-earned money, home, and belongings. You have no control over this unless you have a will. Want to learn more? Contact Shannon today using the information below. Website www.elderlawgeorgia.com Facebook https://www.facebook.com/TheEstateAssetProtectionLawFirm/ Twitter https://twitter.com/ElderLawGeorgia LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/company/estate-and-asset-protection-law-firm/ Interested in Spiritual Funeral Planning 101? Download the self study e-course right now buy using this link Spiritual Funeral Planning 101 Grief is both a complex mental and emotional set of changes that everyone goes through a bit differently. When you’re in the throes of grief, self-care can be challenging at best, but it is essential to your long-term health and wellbeing. The Grave Woman can be a beacon during this time, helping you deal with both necessary and practical concerns and providing tips to help you move toward healing. Stay Connected to Friends When friends ask you what they can do to help you through a grieving period, tell them. Whether it’s sitting with you in silence or helping with childcare or meal preparation, allow yourself to lean on those who are offering their support. This is especially important as you make your way through the first year of a loss. Often, well-meaning friends will stay in constant contact in the early days and then taper off, but the first year can often be the toughest. According to Psychology Today, tell your closest friends what you need and ask them to stay connected. Spend Time With Family When a family experiences a loss, commiserating and grieving together can help ease the pain. This can be an especially strong bonding period where you share family memories, talk about the missing loved one, and embrace the opportunity to cherish your relationships and make them stronger. If you’re far removed from family, set a standing time and day to talk regularly. It will give everyone something to look forward to as a constant in what often feels like a rapidly evolving world. Join a Grief Support Group Grief support groups can allow you to share and process your feelings with others who are going through similar circumstances. They may have advice and coping techniques you haven’t thought of. They can also offer a different type of support from family and friends, who may also be going through their own grieving process. In a group setting, you can open up and talk about things you might not be comfortable divulging in more familiar settings. Take Care of You It’s important to have grace with yourself when you’re going through the grieving process. Go for long walks, listen to soothing music, and sit and meditate or pray in a way that helps you feel centered. Eat healthy foods, reduce alcohol and caffeine consumption, and try to go to bed and get up at the same time each day to create a familiar routine. You may benefit from temporary sleep aids if you’re having trouble getting the rejuvenating rest you need. Recognize what triggers extreme sadness or stress and be proactive in caring for yourself in these times. Grieving a loss - of a person, a job, a marriage, a pet - is a difficult time of life. Recognizing and understanding the signs of grief can help you navigate this challenging time. While there is no “timeline” for grief, you should continually set new, small goals for yourself that lead to a more stable future. It might be as simple as gardening or accepting a friend’s invitation to dinner. If for any reason you feel you are stalled in your grief, or you’re feeling deeply despondent, talk to your primary care provider, or in the case of emergency, call 911. The Grave Woman helps individuals and organizations deal with death and dying, grief support, and recovery. Visit the site to learn more and reach out for a consultation. Photo By Pixabay About the Author Camille created Bereaver after she went through the ups and downs of the bereavement process herself following the loss of her parents and husband. With the help of her friend who was also experiencing a loss of her own, she learned how to grieve the healthy way, and she wants to share that with others. There is no one way to grieve, but it is important to do it in a way that supports your physical and mental health throughout. "It is was the best of times, it was the worst of times"...
Charles Dickens really hit this one on the head when he penned this now famous line in The Tale of Two Cities. This quote perfectly describes what I am experiencing as a blushing yet grief stricken bride to be. Unlike my other blog postings this is being written in real time which means by the time you get to read it, it will be a distant memory for me ( 74 days, 20 hours, 6 minutes and 26 seconds old according to my wedding countdown app). I also want to be completely transparent and let you know that NO ONE has passed away however, I am experiencing a tremendous amount of grief. I am writing this with the intentions that readers everywhere will find comfort that they are not alone in their journeys of transition of all kinds and as a journal to capture my feelings and emotions as I capture in words one of the most important and meaningful voluntary transitions of my life. Making A List & Checking It Twice Today is December 9th, 2021. We are just two weeks away from Christmas and instead of the normal holiday cheer that I normally experience this time of year I am feverishly planning my wedding. Nothing about me or my life is traditional and in true fashion neither was my engagement. My love popped the question on our 3rd date and we officially decided to get married and have a wedding 90 days after making our engagement official. As I recently learned, one of the most important parts of planning a wedding is deciding who you want to share your special moment and day with. Besides the immediate grief we experienced upon realizing that some of our nearest and dearest loved ones would not be able to attend because they have passed on we quickly learned that this is NOT an easy task and COVID-19 has further complicated this process. I have never been the girl who wanted one of those big fairytale weddings BUT when the time came to sit down and make our guest list my hearts desire was to write every person I have ever come in contact with. Being that my fiancé and I were limited to 25 guest each this is literally impossible. Sitting with the thought of having to choose only 25 people out of groups of family, friends, and collages who mean so much to me seems like an impossible task. The process of making my guest list has been deeply necessary, extremely cathartic and what some may call a form of spiritual cleansing. I created a spreadsheet and listed every single person that I could think of. Sitting down and sifting through the names of those that have contributed to my life in various meaningful ways while taking inventory and evaluating the current state of relationships caused me to dig deep and think beyond my guest list. I was forced to ask myself 3 very difficult questions about each person on the list who at some point in my life meant so very much to me: 1. Is this person in my life because of a connection we had in the past that I am holding onto? Or, are we mutually feeding this relationship? 2. How is this persons presence currently reflected in my life? How is my presence reflected in theirs? 3. Do I truly wish to cultivate this relationship moving forward? Or is it time for it to die? 90% of the people on that list still mean the world to me and by no means am I saying that this is how we made decisions for who would and would not be invited. What this process did do however was force me to look at who I have become and how I have grown and outgrown relationships and some of the people in my life. This process also filled my heart with so much gratitude for the relationships that will move forward with me but unfortunately, still not everyone made the guest list. Family members and close friends that I adore, one of my dearest loved ones from my college years whom I have shared many laughs, tears and fun with whom I hadn't seen in nearly 12 years and spoken to only 2-3x outside of social media along with another friend who invites me to each and every function that he and his family have did not make my list. This was heart breaking for me and what made it even worse was having to tell them that I could not include them in our celebration of love. I literally felt sick to the pit of my stomach with every telephone and text conversation. Looking back (a few days later) I have more peace about things. Though these conversations were very difficult and challenged every fiber of my people pleasing being BUT were necessary. Moving forward into this marriage journey there are only two real opinions that matter. Mine and my husband to be. I am going to have to disappoint others with the choices we make as a team and perhaps even make situations uncomfortable when I choose what is right for my family and marital relationship that others don't understand. Overall, this experience has made me even more grateful for the growth that I am experiencing and helping me to become what I hope will be a good wife. Oh, and as far as the list goes, we decided to go with immediate family and our closest friends. Me coming from a huge family on both sides made this extremely easy in the end. Wouldn't it have been so much easier to start off with this plan? LOL! |
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AuthorJoél Simone Anthony, also known as ‘The Grave Woman,’ is a licensed funeral director and embalmer. She is dedicated to eliminating misconceptions about post-life preparation while stimulating an open, honest and straight forward discussion about death. You can submit your comments, questions and requests to [email protected] or by using our contact page. |