I have lost several people in my life. Friend’s from school, and a older cousin who I looked up to. Nothing could have prepared me though, to say goodbye to my grandparents who had been a constant throughout my life. We didn’t live in the same state or see each other as much as we all wanted but we had an individual unbreakable bond.
My grief is something that I’m still trying to unpack. Most day’s its stored away suitcase packed to the brim in the deepest basement of my memory palace. It’s not that I want to forget their lives but allowing all those memories to flood my body feels like being suffocated with the harsh reality they are gone.
How do you move through life when you feel that some of the most important pieces of your heart are missing? YOU DON'T. you never forget and you never stop hurting. You do however embark on a journey that will become your “new normal”.
You get up everyday. You put one foot in front of the other as you walk to the bathroom every morning. You began to learn how to live with what you lost. It’s like breaking a vase and having to piece everything back together with super glue. It will never look or be the same and neither will you.
My grief does not define my life, it is a part of my story. I feel grief is the same for everyone this way. Your losses don’t define your life, they are lessons to be learned... use them as such. Through the pain I have lived this reminder. Gratitude for life brings me back to a state of peace when I lose my center. With every loss you become wiser.
I surrender myself to moments when emotion erupts inside me. I allow myself to cry, scream and hyperventilate until the lava cools down. Then I move on with my day. This is my new normal, living with grief.
LaNai Thomas is a 27 year old entrepreneur, knowledge seeker and book lover.
Joél Simone Anthony, also known as ‘The Grave Woman,’ is a licensed funeral director and embalmer. She is dedicated to eliminating misconceptions about post-life preparation while stimulating an open, honest and straight forward discussion about death. You can submit your comments, questions and requests to firstname.lastname@example.org or by using our contact page.